Swine flu. Run for my life!
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
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I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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