I'm drive I can fine osifer
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my vag is so smooth its legendary
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
