just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
