She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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