we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
