is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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