im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
