I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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