I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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