all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
