I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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