I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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