Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Dear god my vagina.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
