She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize