Who did Billy Mays play for?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
