Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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