'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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