maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
