she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
