There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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