Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
