dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
