dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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