I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
