Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
