I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
