I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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