im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
