so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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