Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
