I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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