i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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