Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
