How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
