My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
