Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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