I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
