we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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