So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
