I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
