just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
