So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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