worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
