I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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