Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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