I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
