We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize