Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
