The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
