i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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