Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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