yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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