he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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