How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
