he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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