Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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