Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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