HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
