From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
