Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
