she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
