Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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