Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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