marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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