last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
