ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
