how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
