My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
