you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
