the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
