this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
