toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
