after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
