Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
