It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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