i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
