At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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