I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
