yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
