I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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