You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
