I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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