I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
